Bigger plans

“I always secretly thought that the world had bigger plans for me.” (Quote available at Postsecret.)

Truth is, as a child I always imagined I would be unstoppable in life. That I had the drive, brains and personality to be really successful. The best.

My childhood dreams included 1) going to “Michigan College” (according to my 5th grade journal that was recently unearthed) and becoming a doctor 2) studying fashion design and French so that I might become a famous designer and call Paris (a city I still have yet to actually visit) home and 3) becoming a famous actress and living in a “humungous manchion.” (Mansion, not to be confused with machine. I wouldn’t want to live in a machine.)

I was going to conquer the world.

Those dreams nearly vanished entirely throughout my early adolescent years, though. Probably because I started to care more about what others thought. Probably because I started to doubt myself.

Nearly 15 years later, I’m still trying to pick up the pieces. I know I should be very proud at what I’ve accomplished thus far, but I can’t stop thinking about how I may have sold myself a little short. (No pun intended.) (*Please note that I have the utmost respect for people in my chosen field. It's a great field to be in.)

As A and I follow a new path – a much-anticipated path – I’m finding that the self-induced pressures are starting to take a toll. Will I follow my dreams? Will I find a renewed confidence? Will I finally be truly proud of myself?

Stay tuned.

*This entry speaks solely to my professional journey. I am very thankful and proud of my personal life.